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[statementfuckingends]

You've reached Timothy Stoker, leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you.

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[statementfuckingends]

The guilt is part and parcel of regretting that part of how things went down, Jon, don't think too much into it.

Like how Tim is trying very hard not to do with Jon getting kissed by Mike the Living Statement, as his gaze flicks back in automatic shock; and it flicks away just as quickly, as he lifts a hand to rub slowly across his mouth and jaw, trying to think of something to say about that. (And wonders lightly if Jacobi would have told him, if Jon told him that, or kept his mouth shut.)

He really doesn't want to knee-jerk this and make Jon pull away, or throw some sense of shame or discomfort at him for it. "...how... uhh." He breathes his own brisk inhale, before he lifts a leg and turns a bit more to face Jon more fully, pressing his thigh against Jon under his blanket. "What did you... think, of it? 'cos, um." He looks back at Jon. "Just speaking plainly - you don't seem upset about it."

[epistemological]

Oh Christ. This is when things are going to get even more awkward.

"I've-" a pause, a ruffle of his hair at the back of his head, a scrub of his face, "It was, um..." how does he even address this, "I've... never, um," swallow, "it was... a little overwhelming. A-as I could- there was... lust. There. And experiencing that when he, um."

It was a lot, okay? The whole thing is just- it was a lot, and it was confusing, and he's still parsing through that, let alone-

"I don't know how to feel about it. I thought I'd never see anyone ever again. And I-" he swallows, much harder, and oh his head is aching but- "and I've had some... concerns. A-about myself a-and Martin. Not-"

He holds up a firm finger.

"Not because of anything Martin's done, of course. Not because I don't- Not-"

Shit. How does he explain this?

"I don't know if Martin and I want the same things. Here or... after here. He barely wants to be here anymore at all and I know he was staying just to stay with me. He never really... got comfortable here. And I-" he looks up at Tim, "my life, most of my life, most of- even the best relationship I've ever had with you is-

"It's here. It's... this. And that's why-" he swallows hard, "that's why when that happened. The... insanity of it all. All of it on top of everything else-"

He doesn't look up.

"I love Martin. But I'm not- I'm not sure I'm best for him. And not because I'm being self-depreciating."

[statementfuckingends]

He listens to that flustered, stuttering explanation with the calm implacability of a buoy on Jon's waves of panic. This is... a lot. And while it's definitely one of the weirdest things he's ever heard coming out of Jon's mouth, specifically, this? Romantic advice, hearts pulling away not from the fault of anyone involved, but because sometimes things just... change?

It's so normal. This, funnily enough, he feels surprisingly equipped to handle.

He puts his hand on Jon's, wrapping fingers around his unmarred palm in a warm, gentle grip. Looks down at their hands, looking over the shapes of those stupid matching worm scars, so Jon can choose to look at him without the looming threat of eye contact.

"Sometimes people grow apart," he says, soft and calm. "You can love someone and still be... not what they need."

He takes a slow inhale, choosing his words carefully.

"This place is... it's a lot. Even for the people who enjoy being here. And you and Martin..." He shrugs one shoulder. "You two are from different points, in your own timelines. Different universes, literally. Martin remembers the world that got destroyed." And his relationship with the Jon he had there, the one that this Jon can never be. "He's different to the way you last remember from home. You're different to the last way he remembers. And that's a rough place to start from, even without everything else. It's changed how you two know each other. But if Martin's only staying because of you, this you, that's... something Martin has to work out."

A faint huff escapes him, almost a laugh. "Things change. But that's-- it's not necessarily a bad thing. Different doesn't mean wrong."

He finally looks up at Jon, but his expression is soft, as his thumb rubs over Jon's knuckles. "Sometimes it's just... not correct. Not the best fit. Not you, not me, just- an other direction."

[epistemological]

He's utterly still at first and it's clear he's waiting for another shoe to drop, for something to be his fault, for him to be a rat bastard. For him to have apologies to make. He was ready for that.

He wasn't really prepared for this. And it makes something crack, after the Galley and Rawne and Mike and Daniel and Jacobi and now Tim.

He doesn't weep, nothing so dramatic. But that might just be because he nods and swallows and doesn't try to speak.

It takes him a moment to compose himself before he even tries.

"Thank you. For...". And he sort of wobbles his head to gesture at everything.

[statementfuckingends]

Tim's smile is a gentle thing, more obvious in the way it softens the shape of his eyes than the faint lift of one corner of his mouth.

"Any time. You know that, right?"

He pushes himself to stand up, but only so he can move and sit directly pressed in next to Jon, leaning into the pillow and lifting an arm to wrap around his shoulders.

"It doesn't make you a bad person. Any of that."

[epistemological]

Jon's answer is a rueful laugh.

"Know" is a strong word in this case. He's sort of edging around that information. Not for lack of faith in Tim.

But he won't shut away from the arm around him. He might even settle up against Tim, eyes starting to pull a little.

"I... I missed you. I'm... I'm glad I have you back."

[statementfuckingends]

And Jon gets squeezed gently when he leans in, a gentle press against his hair, before Tim gets himself comfortable too.

"Missed you too," he says. And then lighter, more conversational, but still low because he can practically feel Jon falling asleep against him: "The first thing I did when I got there, actually, I got some poncy wizard to do some scrying spell for you guys."

[epistemological]

"'Poncy wizard,' hmm? Accepting cheap knock off Archivist replacements, are we?"

Is Jon curling up against Tim? Yes, yes he is. Is he snarking as well? He can multitask.

[statementfuckingends]

Tim's chest hums under Jon's cheek with his quiet, sincere laugh.

"Only if breaking his nose is an upgrade on how I treat you. Twice. He was my Warden there. Sorry-" and he puts on the most absolute naff Her Majesty's Royal Accent. "Initiate."

[epistemological]

Tim will feel the way his nose scrunches.

"Well, you did blow me up once, so it's hard to say. But... 'initiate'. Ugh. Sounds like a cult."

[statementfuckingends]

He lifts his free hand to rub down his face, but there's a despairing laugh in his exhale. "Ohhhhh my god, it was such a cult. Inmates there were Novices, the Admiral equivalent was the Deacon. It made the Lightless Flame look subtle."

He finally reaches over for his tea again. "Strange told me he wanted to help me find enlightenment."

[epistemological]

The "ew" face is obvious enough. Jon doesn't do subtle facial expression.

"Did he have a book and a ten part tape series for you? Offer you a payment plan with free shipping?"

A snort he regrets immediately.

[statementfuckingends]

"Oh, worse. So much worse," he moans laboriously. "He had my file."

[epistemological]

"That quickly?"

That is the "how unprofessional" tone, and Jon is clearly insulted as a Barge warden.

...we're not talking about what he did on the Galley.

[statementfuckingends]

Why would they talk about the Galley? Tim has so much drama to unload.

"Apparently I was enough of a pressure pot of sheer unadulterated rage that I couldn't possibly be left to my own devices for a second longer than necessary."

[epistemological]

"Oh, fuck him," he says with a grumble as he settles a little closer to Tim.

Though he lets out a huff of a laugh.

"You do have quite the temper."

[statementfuckingends]

"That's my temper, thank you very much," he says cheerfully. "And I'm not letting some stupid Stepford ship brainwash it out of me. One of the long-timers told me, people only seemed to graduate when they've decided they'd like to stay on board."

[epistemological]

"How very passive aggressive," he says with a huff, avoiding a snort for his head's sake.

"Ours, uh... Apparently we crashed it?"

[statementfuckingends]

A snort immediately cracks the companionable quiet, and Tim holds his mug against his mouth to stop himself from cackling.

"Oh, my God. I thought the Brig was bad. I'll have to chase that up later."

[epistemological]

"Mr. Flint was an excellent organizer. They hardly knew what hit them."

He huffs in amusement.

"You might need to ask Daniel for more. I died...well before some of the more extreme messiness."

[statementfuckingends]

Tim's smirk is his own quiet huff. "Don't worry, boss. Being tactful about horrible trauma is my middle name. I'm probably going to put a proper report together on everything later for posterity's sake."

[epistemological]

"I would greatly appreciate that," he says, though he's starting to sound a little fuzzy. Sleep comes easier when he feels safe and right now? He feels safe.

"Are you- I'm assuming you're glad to be back here."

He looks up.

"Jacobi is graduated. I don't think I ever asked if you were planning to stay for anything else."

[statementfuckingends]

"I'm glad to be back," he echoes warmly.

He tilts his head slightly so he can meet Jon's gaze.

"I've got another deal I want." His voice is soft, quiet like he's trying not to get his own hopes up. "Giving everyone back the memories the Not-Them took."

[epistemological]

That makes Jon wake up a little, something tremulous and careful in his own eyes, before he reaches an arm across to give him a hard squeeze. It's not quite a hug as a wordless need to express something words aren't quite adequate for.

"Good," and his voice is a little hoarse with all that. "I'm here for another as well, though Daniel's... got some time to go."

[statementfuckingends]

Tim's arm squeezes Jon's shoulders as well, when he gets that sincere cling, and his hand comes up somewhat automatically to run his fingers through Jon's hair.

"I'm planning on sticking around," he says quietly. "For as long as you need me."